We have a new member of the family...

Meet Benji...

Benji is our little puppy, we have had him for two months now and absolutely love him to bits. we got him from our local animal shelter woodgreen, he is now 5 months old and a cross-breed. He is training well, Sit, Stay, Lay down, we had him house trained within the first week of getting him, we are trying to socialize him by taking him to the park to meet with other dogs and all the dog owners we have meet have been wonderful and patient with his excitement and jumping up, he is great at home when we have left him for small amounts of time, we will not stroke him or greet him until he is sat and has all paws on the floor to stop him jumping up and he has responded very well to this, I am still trying to train him to walk on a loose lead which seems to be the most challenging thing of all to do so far, when he starts to pull on the lead I make him stop and sit and his reward for doing this on command is to continue walking which is what he really wants to do, but then he will start to pull again so we repeat the stop and sit method it takes about 30 minutes to walk about 30 meters, but we are getting there, sometimes if he pulls I will walk the other way to confuse him so he will not pull, but it is so slow and if any one has another method to train him to walk on a loose lead I would love to hear it.

When we went to pick him up from the shelter it was like we were going to get a little baby, we was all so excited. It is amazing how now he is just part of the family and would be very odd if he wern't here.

I am more of a dog person, although I do like cats but have never had a cat. I felt a dog would be better for the children, They are now old enough to care for and take a little resonsability for a family pet. Although having said that I find it is myself and hubby that do everything for Benji and as we had discussed before getting Benji it would be us that would be the one to take care of him, The children promised they would feed him, pick up his poo, take him for walks....and so on.....'Pleeeeeeaaaasssseeee mum and dad, we will do everything for himmmmmm.' HA!!! The novelty of picking up his poo very soon wore of. My youngest Elyssa claimed the responsibility of being chief poo picker-upper the day we brought him home, her new found job was self-made redundant after her third picking-up, LOL. GOTTA LOVE THE KIDS xxx

Needless to say having Benji is also doing wonders for my weight loss, he is getting me off the sofa and down the the parks for walks, It is a bit of a tie having a dog and I think this is the only downside, you don't have so much freedom, but luckily we have a caravan at the coast so we can still enjoy going away for the odd weekend and he can happily come with us.

So there he is, our sweet little Benji, our little pup pup, that loves affection, loves to play, and is happy to sleep the rest of the time, oh and poo's alot. No I mean ALOT!

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YAHOOOOOOOOOO!!!!

This is it, it's finally doing what it should be doing, It's only bloody working !!!!!!

I have had another fill, I have found the right spot and I am losing the pounds again. My weight this morning was 14 stone 9lb which sports a total loss of 52lb Oh My Goodness can you believe it?

I have really noticed a Huge difference this fill, last time everything I ate just seemed to hurt me, Now however, I eat a very small portion and I just feel full, absolutely no mistake about it I am full and satisfied, NO PAIN..... just fullness and the fullness lasts. My pouch capacity is probly less than half a cup, and I am totally satisfied the difference has me totally gobbed-smacked, all those months I was plodding on dealing with the pain and confused about the pain and the amount i was eating, I felt as I have pain then surly I don't need a fill as it will only make it worse.... Not so..... it is now clear cut to me as clear as black is black and white is white no shades of gray and no more confusion.

How do you know when enough fill is enough and not too much? Simple, if you can swallow liquid and it goes down (albeit a bit of a struggle) then you are filled enough, if liquid wont go down at all then it is a little too much, it is a fine line, I was worried at first that maybe I had to much fill as water was going down but rather slow, I was told by the nurse 'Nonsense- if water is going down then you are fine, stay on soup for a couple of days' So there you have it. I feel I am at that point where yes the water goes down but it is slow and I think maybe it takes my pouch 5 mins to empty of water so it is slow. my fill is such that at first I was contemplating getting a little taken out but I am so pleased I stuck with it.

I have not been blogging lately for a number of reasons, one of those reasons is I had no band news to report as I had not lost any weight in quite a while, on the good side I have not put on weight either but still I had pain and no weight loss and was eating far too much even though it was not as much as before banding. It occurred to me that although I had not put any weight on this was not right so I took a chance and booked in for a fill, when I arrived was greeted with a hug as usual from the lovely Emma and was reassured that I was doing the right thing and was told I should have done it a couple of months ago, when you stop loosing GET A FILL!!!. I have said before that I have found my 'sweet spot' but no, now I truly know this is the sweet spot, the difference is amazing, I had read stories in magazines where people have lost 5 stone in 5 months and so on, I was feeling inadequate and feeling a total failure what's wrong with me that I have not lost 100 million stone and all these people have, I was still having so much pain every time I ate. I am treating these wasted months as a learning curve. Lesson learnt!

My weight has stayed they same, Although I am so pleased I have not gained I am a little disappointed I have not lost....and then when I think about it I have no right to be disappointed as I have not been putting any kind of effort into getting this weight of, I am banded shouldn't it just come of itself??? LOL NO. I have been eating what I wanted when I wanted, (if bitchy lets me) What I mean is, I have not put much effort in to choosing and making right choices, salads.....great!!!! but with lashings of mayo, vegetables.....wonderful!!!! but with butter, and exercise......practically none.

The sun is shining and the S.A.D seems to have moved on for a while at least, I have found some energy and now need to put it to good use. I have started to make what little garden we have look a little acceptable, kids toys all over, we still have old carpet and lino to be taken to the dump, pots hanging around just waiting for me to make a start and pot the bedding plants, so much to do and so little enthusiasm.

I watched a program on t.v last night about a 15 year old girl who weighed in at 33 stone. 462 lb or 210 kg. My heart went out to her, she had many emotional problems which played their parts into her gaining so much weight. But I have to say fair play to her and a massive well done as she went to the U.S to a camp for overweight kids by the end of the program she had lost 12 stone. I have the utmost respect and admiration for this young girl, she was a model student in the camp and even went home for Christmas and had lost another 5lb by the time she got back to camp. My only concern is that she is able to keep this weight of, all the hard work she has put into losing weight, it's such a shame she will have to work so hard for the rest of her life and battle with the demons that got her there in the first place. I would love for the film makers to visit her in another year.

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Weighing in at 15 stone 12 lb. That's a loss of 2 1/2 stone. I am starting to feel the difference, I have hip bones and have discovered I actually have ribs, Amazing!!!!



I must tell you all though, the other night and for the first time I had the most painful chest pains.... I thought I was a gonna for sure, I really thought I was having a heart attack, It was NOT a food stuck pain, it wasn't heart burn, I had to really think logically which is hard to do when panic is starting to set in, I had no pains in my throat, and no strange sensation in my left arm which of course is associated with Heart attack. And the pain was dead center of my chest, it was my chest bone. I have never felt this sensation before. I am here to tell the tail and the only conclusion is that it must have been something to do with Bitchy Band.



I am still having good food days and bad, days in which I can't eat the same as I ate yesterday, every day is still so different and I have no idea how 'Bitchy' is gonna react to what I eat.



I have gym membership I am so lucky, but I just can't be bothered to go, I don't want people looking at me, I have been once and felt like everyone was looking at me, LOL I know, I know, What makes me so special Right? I think I have two people inside my mind, the one who is comfortable in her skin, sure would like to loose weight but stuff what other people think, if they don't like me or what I am about then sorry too bad, I am what I am. But then I have the other me....... scared of my own Shite, don't look at me, yes I know I am sorry I am F**, I am weak willed and don't deserve to be here talking to all you normal people. I am too self conscious for my own good, Paranoid.

But still it has to be said, I am so pleased I made this decision to have the band, I truly think it is the best move I have ever made, It's all worth it, The stuck pains, the pb'ing, the uncomfortable laying on my front at night in bed, even the terrible chest pain's from the other night. I have lost weight and it's not going back on...not ever!!!! I am not obsessed by food, for the first time in my life it is not running me, I still eat the types of food I love most just smaller amounts and I am getting used to judging the amounts too, I still have been serving larger portions than I need as old habits die very hard but that's ok too as I don't force myself to eat more than I need and the rest gets thrown away.

WOW, I can't believe it has been so long since I last blogged, I weighed in at 16.3 this morning so weight loss to date is.................2 stone 2lb or 30lb or 13.6kg I think the 30lb sounds better.



Things have been a bit quiet band wise, and again I am having good days and bad days. Some times I eat well, by that I mean with no pb'ing and nothing gets stuck and other days I eat the same food that has proven to go down well and I am in pain. I still cannot figure this bitchy band out. I do know that I certainly do not need another fill, that's for sure. The weight has not been moving as fast as I had wished for but I know if I did excises it would shift, but have been in my own little world now for a while and for me time has stood still, I have been eating allot of crisps as they seem to go down well and at time I am just so hungry and afraid to eat anything else, it shouldn't be this way I know that too but as I have heard so often bitchy bands are like the weather and if under stress the band can react quite differently, and I have had allot of stress lately.



On a positive note, The weather here is starting to warm a little and the sun actually shines, even when it is cold just to see the sun makes so much difference, I think I suffer from S.A.D. Seasonal Affective Disorder. I had another cold last week and felt like shit, Bloody hell.... I am a hypercondriac ....ill ill ill....me me me ...Holy Crap!!!! this was supposed to be a positive note LMAO.



We have been going out a little more, Karaoke....I am such a chicken shit!!! I wanted to blast out a few little tunes, you know the type of typical Karaoke songs Diana Ross I will survive and I will always love you, I must admit I sound Bloody hot when I sing them at home in front of the mirror with the hair brush, I can hear the crowds clapping and screaming for an encore..... and crying so much as they have been so moved and touched by my performance, I AM DA BOMB!!! not sure if the little town I live in are quite ready for me yet! 'DON'T CHA WISH YOUR GIRLFRIEND........' ooooooooooohhhh yer!!!!! Maybe I will wait untill I am totally pissed and then brave it, or wait till everyone else is pissed and rat faced so they will love it as much as I think they should......LOL.

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Emotions!!!

Today is weigh in day....... I weigh in at 16.6 that is a lose of 4lb since last weigh in, Which is fantastic!!!! 1lb more and that's 2 stone, WOW I can't quite believe it. I don't feel any difference and I don't think I look any different.


My head is on such an emotional rollercoster at the moment, I don't know if I am coming or going right now, I am either so down and depressed and stressed about things or I am practically euphoric!!!! I need to find some middle ground where I can relax. You are right Nola, I am bloody drama queen.

My world came crashing down sunday night, I want to tell you all so much about it as advice could only be helpful, but I find it difficult to tell you all, and I am sure there is people or a person that read's my blog and I really don't want that person to know, I am sorry its a bit like dangling a carrot in front of you(if I had your emails maybe I could email my problem). you should be able to email me from my profile page.
When I started this blog it was really only for me to document my banding and a way of getting things of my chest,well not just banding, but I find I have a few stalkers, which is wonderful and I have made the most wonderful friends, one of which I have meet all because of this blogging business. I love to read and keep up to date with others, I don't always leave comments but I do read, and soak up other's advice.



All is well now in the Harford household, Calm... We have been out in the snow, Actually the kids and hubby have been out in the snow I just popped out for the picture moment and all the glory after the snowman was built, shortly after I went out the neighbours came out to admire all my hard work lol.

My Girls of course, and bottom picture is obviously me, behind is our home, we live in a terraced house and you can see mine on the left, Tiny I know!!! it is a bit bigger inside than it looks, I will take pictures soon and add them all. These picture were taken today as we have another snow day, Yipeeeeeeeeeee and it looks like it may snow tomorrow too. Heatwave in Australia and the big freeze here in the U.K could we be any different? the pictures were taken on my mobile, that's why they are not the best quality.
Oh..... the F** one in the middle is the snowman, I am the other F** one on the left wearing my husbands slipper's LOL....actually this picture has just kicked my arse and I should make a little effort in my bloody appearance once in a while, Oh what the hell I have just spent the last 4 days crying at least I tried to crack a smile today!!!

I don't know how many sets of clothes the kids have used today, they go out for an hour come in strip off, chuck the wet clothes in washing basket put a new set on and half an hour later they want to play out again and it all starts over, out-in-off-on. lol I am gonna have loads of washing (GREAT) I can't wait, just what I need while I am waiting for my new washer to be delivered, which was meant to be today would you believe, but the snow has stopped that. I have my old leaking washer hooked up out in the garden.... but again in this weather my out side water tap is frozen so I cant use it, Any one near me!!!!! can I borrow your washer?...... Please.....LOL




This is the video of my second fill. My sis was the camera man, and filmed it on it's side and I haven't figured out how to turn it around but it's ok. And have you ever had to drink whilst lying down....not easy! Enjoy !!!! LOL





See Nola, I figured out the video thing, Actually maybe I will just film my home and post that instead of pictures. Did it on my mobile phone.
Oh I am the f** one on the table.....

My weight has stayed the same, I managed to eat very well yesterday so in that respect things are looking better.

My life has taken another SHIT turn and I dont want to talk about it. FUCK 2009, Give me back 2008. I want my life back!

If I didn't have kids I am sure I would just want to die!

Whats the fucking point?????

My house is DONE........... YIPEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE

It's finished and I love it, all we have had done is things that were damaged when we had a flood, but now it is all done and we are not walking on cold concrete and haven't got to put up with the awful smell ( damp walls).
My Internet has been down for a couple of days so finally I have that back too, you don't realise how much we take for granted until it's gone.
I am mostly stress freeeeeeeeee yipeeeeeee I just want to dance around naked....LOL....yeah go on, picture that!!! LMAO Grrrrrrrrr Bite Me!!! ha ha ha ha ha.

Now back to the SERIOUS STUFF...

Things have not changed really, I think I could do with another .25 taken out, I am ok eating cottage pie or soup, oh and Nachos... lol but most other things hurt!, Even scrambled egg!!! I am feeling hungry, normal hungry not over the top type of hunger but to be honest I am being put of eating as I know it is gonna hurt, Maybe I am just sensitive, and the pain I feel someone else may not. I can also still only drink 3 mouthfuls and that's it, I have to sip. I know I am sure to lose weight if I carry on like this, but it's not right, is it?

I am going to stick with it, I have no choice really, I mean I am eating and getting fluids down so it's not desperate.

My sis is doing well, she has not suffered with he same problem and she does feel restriction finally!!!!!! although I get the feeling she would like a little more restriction, shame we can't take a bit out of my band to put into hers. I have just remembered I should have weighed in today, Well I sure as hell ain't doing it now, this time of night I will surely weigh at least 4lb heavier LOL, I will weigh and post tomorrow whatever happens, gain or lose.

Just a little up date on the 2nd fill.

I have indeed only had liquids today as I said I would, This morning I was still having trouble drinking and was only able to have about 2 mouth fulls and if I tried to have more then I felt I had to try and 'burp' it up and found it very uncomfortable. I was at work this morning so really didn't have much time to dwell on it. At about 3pm I made myself half a cup of smooth soup and had no problems eating it slowly. This evening I have had a full cup of soup and again No problems. I have not had hardly any fluid at all today. I am not starving hungry but I do think I am suffering with the 'head hunger' a bit. I think I am swollen from the fill, I am seriously hoping it will go down and I won't need to have an unfill, but again only time will tell, If I need to have an unfill, I really need to know by tomorrow morning as I only have 48 hrs to let them know if it is too much, after that time I will have to pay again, and I don't want to pay just to have some taken out (not being tight, just being practical). I find it amazing as I only have an extra 0.75 ml and it makes such a difference. I think I should persevere with it! what do you think????? I may even stay on liquids for now.

2nd FILL.

Today was mine and my sis's 2nd Fill.

First of all, I would like to thank you all for your lovely comments, you may have noticed in my last post I was not quite myself..............Well since then my kitchen has been finished....and the kids have stopped getting on my very last nerve, I have also had ANOTHER bloody good cry over the fact of how much I miss my mum, so once again all is calm in the Harford house, how long it will last I don't know nor do I want to waste time trying to second guess...LOL. So again, THANKYOU for your wonderful support, You are indeed my fantastic Internet Buddies.

Well now on to the 2nd Fill. We both had 1ml in our bands more than we thought we had, I am finding this very odd, First of all we were told we had 7.5 ml bands, then told no, we have 10cc (9ml) bands, when we had the x-ray he said he put 4.5ml in my band, and today the nurse said there was 5.5ml in my band and she added another 1ml, making 6.5ml. (c'mon keep up) so I have no idea as to the true amount but I sure can feel a difference, so much so I had to have .25 taken out as I couldn't swallow properly it felt like I had air in my throat and couldn't burp. Sona was fine, she also had 1ml put in and was able to drink just fine, in fact she was worried as to weather there was enough put in, I know she would have liked more put in as she has not felt any restriction at all really, The nurse was unwilling to put any more in,I don't know yet if my sis is feeling any restriction after the fill. So I should have 6.25ml in my band.

We were told for tonight to eat chunky soup, tomorrow Sheppard's pie and then next day back to 'normal' but eat slow and chew chew chew. I have had leek and potato soup, I thought I chewed the chunks loads but had a little pain and when I tried to eat ice cream after as I was still feeling hungry I found that no more food would go in...weired! as I was still a bit hungry, I had 2 spoons of ice cream and couldn't swallow anymore and actually had to 'pb' but I still feel hungry, Maybe the liquid of the soup went through and the chunks are still in my pouch? I don't understand, maybe I pushed it to soon, and should have stayed away from the potato in the soup? but she did say 'chunky'. That was a couple of hours ago now, I have just made myself a coffee, the first drink since eating the soup, I have had 1/4 of a cup of coffee and I have a little pain in my chest, I don't feel I could drink any more, so either the food has not gone through yet and restriction is good to last this long.... OR.... I have too much restriction and some more fill will need to be taken out, I am not going to panic tonight as the pain in my chest has subsided within the last minute or so, and only came on as I had a drink, I think I will just wait and see. Tomorrow I will take bandsters advice and just have liquids and forget the chunky soup for now.

I will keep you updated and make another post some time tomorrow.

I am moaning, crying and full of snot!

Time for another moan.

I have no banding news, I am still waiting for my second fill on Friday, I have little restriction, Meat is still hard to eat, well it's easy to eat it just hurts going down LOL. I think I am eating 2/3 of what I could eat pre-banding, so it is still less than before and I have not weighed as I don't think I wish to see how much weight I have put on I guess old habits die hard, if I had a bad week on a diet I would never weigh in, it would always piss me right off to see how much I had put on and then I would go A.W.O.L on the diet plan, although I think I always knew to within a lb or 2. I will be brave and weigh in on Friday...... it's all head fuck stuff and I have my own reasons for doing things the way I do that others may not understand the logic, I don't think I understand the logic....I am what I am and I do what I do.

I am feeling a little low tonight and felt that I just had to get my feelings of my chest, The house is yet again STILL upside down and the kids have pissed me right off. I love my kids (obviously) but we have had a few 'Barnie's' tonight over silly little things that have built up over time and I am just a little stressed more than normal. Sometimes I just feel like my head is going to explode, and I am sure the kids wish my head WOULD explode....LOL. My husband has been working allot lately so I don't feel I have had very much support, WAAHHHHHH. My husband works in a care home for Autistic adults, so his work is very important and he often does a double shift and can come home feeling a little washed out (Mentally Drained) I know I am being selfish when I have the thoughts that he should be here with us especially as the extra money sure will come in handy but money isn't everything is it ? I need to be more tolerant and understanding, I know my faults I now need to put them right, easier said than done.

I want to cry............ I don't know why,...yes I do know why.... I miss my mum and wish she was here, A lady I know died the other day, I knew her through her daughter and daughter's husband as Steve and I used to work with them, I used to do her nails as I did gel nail extensions. She used to come round to mine once a month and we would have a good chat, such a lovely lady, Pauline was her name, she seemed quite fit to me, nice and slim and active too, but she suddenly had a heart attack and died.......just like that!!!! Has made me question my own mortality and stirred up feelings that I have tried to suppress for a while, I miss my mum so damn much!!!! I am 35 years old and right now I feel like a little girl...tears streaming down my face. I WANT MY MUM.

Here's to you Pauline, Thanks for letting me know you and touching my life they way you did, I truly feel honoured, I send you my love as you enter the next stage of your journey.Sweet lady rest in peace.

WAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

Booked!!!!!

As you know I said in my last blog I was 'content' Well..... not any more. I have been feeling hungry for the past few days and I am thinking I was only feeling 'content' as I had been ill (did I tell you all I was a little ill??)and did not have my full appetite back, But now it's back for sure!!!!! So, Sis and I are BOOKED for our second fill on the 23rd January, I would have liked it sooner as I am the type that when my mind is made I like to do it NOW, Alas.......I will wait and be very good and not be a spoiled Brat!!! although it is difficult LOL. The reason we have to wait so long is due to the fact that they only hold a clinic once a month, if I want to travel further I could go get one now, but I would rather only travel 20 miles to get it done and that's that!!!.

My weigh in today is..... 16 stone 10 lb, which is what I was the other day and I said I didn't want to trust that weight just yet, But today is the same.

Start weight........18 st 5lb
today's weight......16 st 10lb
loss to date...........23lb (in 8 weeks)

You know what....that's not bad, That's an average of 2.8 lb per week. So I know that this band is doing it's magic or by now I would have gained even more than my starting weight. I do want to feel the restriction though, I am using a certain amount of will power and to be honest in the past my will power tends to dessert me after a while, so band and a little will power working together has got me here....23lb lighter, That can only be a good thing!.That makes me happy as I have not once had to starve myself, so my portions have gotten smaller and I am learning to STOP when I an full, My band and I are a team as long as she does her bit I will try to do mine. I am risking sounding a little Corny now but what the hell...whatever gets you through eh?.

I have had a few cravings, I am not sure if reading everyone else's blogs are good, I wasn't craving sweet things and then I read other's who are then hey presto! so am I, I think I am coming out in sympathy LOL, like a husband would for his pregnant wife. LMAO.

Thoughts have also been crossing my mind about getting the Wii fit out, That's as far as I have gone with that, just thoughts at the moment. My house is STILL upside down, I know that I will only benefit from doing exercise but can't seem to motivate myself with all this going on in the house, They will be finished soon and I can't wait. and I can't wait to see the weight loss on the Wii fit compared to the last time I weighed on it.

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This post is dedicated to my little stalker who gives me virtual kicks up the butt now and then to keep me on my toes....Thank you my little stalker!!

Ok I am so done with all the Happy new year stuff, whats the big deal anyway? it's just another day....another year!! and another reminder that time waits for no-one! No I am not a negative kind of person but really everywhere I look is HAPPY NEW YEAR and Resolutions....By the way I don't see the point in resolutions either, in fear of sounding bloody awful, we all have the good intentions but does any one actually stick to them, I think it's just this ritual we go through every year. Why wait to the new year to change something we are not happy with, we should do it immediately. Like good intentions of going to the gym, if you don't like going to the gym why should you make yourself do it, you just dread it anyway and it is something ultimately you wont stick to as you find yourself making the slightest of excuses so you don't have to go, I know I have done it, I joined and when I was there I worked really hard, but at the end of the day the gym is not for me and is something I have to force myself to do, Oh i am so busy today I have no time, I have a headache, I got up too late....blah blah, when really I just don't want to go, if I liked it , then it would be something I made time for! I know about the 'trying to get healthy' but whatever we do we have to realise it's for life, not just till we are slim then that's it... but FOREVER!!!.

Would you 'Adam and eve it'? (believe it?) I have been bloody ill again, I had flu before Christmas and on Tuesday I came down with a cold and still all bunged up! I was so worried before my surgery I was going to come down with something and pick up others germs I was almost obsessive about not breathing anyone else's air.... I think I did so well to stay clear until I had my surgery I think I am making up for lost time and getting it all at once. Hopefully when this is gone I will be able to steer clear for a while, I am looking forward to feeling well so I can start cooking some lovely easy tasty and healthy recipes from my new Jamie Oliver cook book, I must be honest I have been eating junk! I have been living on cottage pie, and crackers and cheese, that is probably something to do with why I am ill all the time lately low immunity, lol but I have to say the crackers go down really well and is easy and I am not getting on with meat or bread at all. I weighed in this morning and I was 16.10 so that would be 23lb lost so far, but I don't think I should trust this figure just yet what with being ill and all, that's why I haven't officially posted my weight yet, I think I will wait another week! I do find I am no longer ruled by the scales, I am not that bothered about weighing all the time as I know I am eating less and feeling fuller for longer I don't feel any pressure on what the scales say, I know it's going to come off, At the moment I am fine, maybe that will change and I may find that I am eating my words, but for now.....all is well and I am in a happy place right now, I think the word I am looking for is contentment.

I think my sis needs another fill, she says she is eating more than she should and is quite hungry, we both have a 7.5ml band and she has 5 ml in her band I have 4.5 in mine, I don't know why there is different sized bands or how they determine who has what size, but there is not much room for much fill and what if when fully full they are not enough???? when you think about it sis only has room for 2.5ml what happens when she loses a few stone and the band needs to be tighter? she already needs more fill now let alone when she has lost some weight.

I have also been thinking about my saggy skin! well it's not saggy yet, when I lose my extra chin what will become of the skin there? I am praying the skin will go back, I don't want to have skin there flapping about, I am not bothered about my excess stomach skin as I plan to have an op to get rid of that and my bingo wings, but my chin is a bit different, I am excited about the prospect of having a jaw line, I can't wait for that post lmao and a neck, bloody hell I live life on the edge don't I? if that's the sort of thing I get excited about LOL.

There is one more thing I wanted to talk about!, Have any of you got a 'ped-egg' I kid you not it is Fantastic!!!! for those of you that don't know what it is I will explain.... it is a hard skin remover for your feet and is like a mini cheese grater, I suffer terribly with hard skin on my feet and bought one a few weeks ago and it is BRILLIANT !!! I then went and bought another of ebay for my sis, she loves it too. if you haven't got one and suffer with hard skin on your feet, you must get a ped-egg. FAN-BLOODY-TASTIC.

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Have a very Happy New Year!!!!!

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We had a wonderful Christmas, Was up at 7am with the kids, that's not to early so we was very pleased with that as we only went to sleep at 2am which also is not so bad in past years it has been much later as santa has to wait till the kids are all asleep isn't it amazing any other time of the year my older 2 girls don't believe in Santa but as Christmas comes around they suddenly find new faith in the old gezza.... they think if they admit they don't believe in him anymore they won't get any gifts LOL. Christmas dinner went very smoothly too, The turkey was lovely and juicy, just a shame my band didn't like turkey very much at all, I had tiny bites and chewed to within an inch but still she didn't like it at all, it had to come up, I didn't eat very much of anything and felt ok about it, I wasn't feeling left out or sad because I couldn't finish my favorite things, roast potatoes, mashed Swede, mushie peas, carrots, sprouts, savoy cabbage, pigs in blankets, sausage stuffing, yorkshire pudding and roast parsnips. Four different desserts with cream, ice cream, or custard. Got lots of fantastic gifts, New bag, smellies, socks, cook book lol and so on, And most important to me the kids got things better than what they had asked for and were so pleased with all the gifts they received. All that said, I am Bloody pleased it's all over for another year!!!!!!!

Back to normal today, Back to work too. I am also feeling much better although I am still sporting a very irritating cough, therefore have to tell you all of my DAMN stress incontinence ( oh you know me I love to share) every time I cough... you guessed it I piss myself, it also happens when I laugh, Sneeze and if I can't get to the loo in time. For goodness sake, it really gets me down, I am forever washing and changing I feel I smell all the time, I go to the loo and squeeze out every last drop possible, wash myself and five minutes later a coughing fit and bloody hell NOT AGAIN!!!!!!! SHIT!!!!!!! no not shit....PISS. I feel like I have the bladder muscles of a 90 year old lady and I am only 35. Oh an if I am told anymore to do the pelvic floor exercises then I will SCREAM!!!!!!!!!!! it is NOT working, I have had this problem for at least the past 10 years. I am hoping it is my weight and when I lose then the problem wont be so bad, well that's the theory anyway! I must admit it is only ever a REAL problem when I have a cough, I cross my legs when I laugh and Sneeze lol I can put up with that, I am having to wear sanitary towels (sorry if any guy's are reading this ;0).) though they make me sore after a little while. I guess I could try a peg strategically placed, that could be either sore or fun...I am guessing Very sore! don't know what else to do, I feel it is not bad enough for my Doctor to do anything about it and there is people in the world much worse of than me.

Any way roll on thursday....roast beef for dinner, ummmmmm lets see how she likes that? I am guessing she won't and another PB maybe in order! Although we did get on very well with the gammon ham, it was very tender and cooked to perfection if I do say so myself.

Thanks for the kick up the bum Nola, Sorry for slacking!!! LOL.

Happy New Year to one and all !!!!!!!


Zena xxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Merry Christmas !!!

Just a quick post so you all know I am actually still alive lol although I am quite ill and have done nothing but sleep for the last 4 days. I think I have managed to lose the 3lb i put on, I have good restriction which is wonderfull.

I mainly wanted to wish you all a very Merry Christmas and Happy New Year! I hope you all have a fantastic time.I will leave a 'proper' post when I am feeling better.


.
Zenaxx

I am so over Thursday's Little weight gain.....I have had my fill !!!

Yesterday was such a wonderful day,

6 am woke up to Mika playing on my alarm (I love Mika, and into Kate perry at the moment too, you know the song 'I kissed a girl') I jumped into the shower, well..... stumbled anyway, woke hubby up as he was coming with us too, we got ready then I woke the kids to let them know we are leaving and we are going to be gone for most of the day. By this time my Sis and Phil had arrived to pick us up as my Sis was going to drive. So off we go and I am so excited as I am going to meet Dawn (scrumybits) and her hubby Steve, also sooooo excited about having the fill it is so much needed!

It took us about 2 1/2 hours to get there and the roads were very clear. Parking was a bit rubbish though nevertheless, we went in and was sent to x-ray, It was amazing I had to stand up leaning on a vertical bed, he put the x-ray machine in front of me and I looked at the screen... I could see the band, which is in the right position, I could see the port and the tube connecting them, I could see my spine it is not often we get the opportunity to actually see into our own body! The bed then started to move into the horizontal position so then I was laying down, He lined up the needle with the port, did a couple of checks from different angles then pushed the needle in, this hardly hurt at all I was very surprised, He filled the band and I had to drink this very thick chalky liquid that tasted a little like bubble gum at first then was Yukkie! (my sis liked the taste) as it went down you could actually see it and he took a little fluid out of the band and then you could see it slowly move through into the big stomach. I had to drink again so he could do his final check. It was amazing I love to see things like this and when it's your own body WOW!!!! They then moved the bed back into vertical, that was very odd as you can feel gravity kicking in again and I was clinging on for dear life until the nurse told me to move my feet forward lol 'oh yeah that's better!'

I then had to sit in the waiting room and drink a cup of water before I left to make sure there as no major problems, he came out and gave me a piece of paper and said I was to take it with me when next I get a fill in case I go somewhere else, I had 4.5ml in my 7.5ml band. I now have to have liquids for the next three days and then mushie for three days after that.

I was on such a high after that I really felt like I am on my way now! this is it and weight loss here I come Yipeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee! Then my Sisters turn, all went well for her too although there is a little problem, her port has twisted a little and she had to maneuver on to her side before he could line it up, he said its not a major problem, as she loses weight it should settle into place, but this may be a slight problem when she next gets a fill if it is done without and x-ray. We both wondered if it moved due to all of the vomiting she did directly after surgery?

We all sat in main reception to wait for Dawn and Steve, I sent Dawn a quick text to let her know all went well and she replied saying she was only ten minutes away. After a couple of phone calls and a little detour around the scenic route Dawn and Steve arrived....Dawn walked through the door and after I realised it was actually her we had a big HUG! We all HUGGED it was great. We was chatting non stop and Dawn gave us a lovely gift each, That was so sweet and thoughtful thank you Dawn. Dawn went to get her fill done and after guess where we all decided to go? for a meal of course LOL, we went to a nice little pub (The five bells) not far from the hospital, Us three ladies had carrot and coriander soup, I must admit it was very tasty but I didn't feel full after like I thought I would, we tried to not look to much at the guy's who had fried breakfast and toast and bread and ham egg and chips and all a little too happy to eat it all in front of us too LOL, I am so happy to finally meet you Dawn and Steve you are both fantastic with a wonderful sense of humor! the power of the internet will never cease to amaze me like so many other things, the power to bring people together in such a positive way.We have promised to meet in a few months.

Here we all are......( I nicked this picture from Dawn's blog as I forgot my camera and the pictures taken were on Sona's camera) Thanks for the pic Dawn tee hee hee ;0)

I don't yet know how good the restrction is, maybe when I am on solid food I will have a better idea.

.

Don't make me....Don't make me....Don't make me....Don't make me....Don't make me....Don't make me....Don't make me....Don't make me....Don't make me..................................

DON'T MAKE ME.... TELL YOU ALL THE TRUTH!!!! Pleaseeeeeeeeeee.... I am so ashamed of myself!

Can you all please read my mind so I don't have to say it out loud!
arghhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!!!!!!!!!!!

OK!!...Gosh, don't be so impatient, this ain't easy! I am gonna type it as fast as I can so please can you read it as fast as you can then it won't be so painful for me !!! Ok here goes...

I put on 3 lb.
What did you say?
I put on 3 lb.
Sorry still can't hear you?
I put on 3 lb.
Ay..What did you say?
I put on 3 lb.
Sorry luv, I don't do lip reading?
I put on 3 lb.
BLOODY HELL!

Holy SHIT ! and it's only myself to blame, I knew I would be so upset and disappointed with myself, but still I had the chocolate.. the cheese.. the crackers.. and near normal size portions too, who am I kidding, what do I mean NEAR normal, Huh! they were larger than what a normal person would consider a normal portion. I am emotionally in the same place at the moment as I was pre-banding when I was just about to start liquid stage. It is because I am having a fill on Saturday and I know I wont be able to eat 'normal' after it, so I am having it all now.

I have to be honest, I did actually consider not telling the truth, I thought if I say I have lost only 1 lb they won't know any different, I feel bad for thinking that and I am sorry for thinking it, I would only be kidding myself at the end of the day and I want this diary of my experience to be honest and true, for me! and anyone else who may be interested. I have NOT lied nor would I ever!

I am off now to crawl back under the stone from where I came.

I am a stupid stupid stupid cow!!!!

.

Thursday weigh in..... No weight loss this week, I am not surprised nor am I disapointed. I have been eating anything and everything, But what My sis and I did discover today is yes we may well be eating pretty much anything and everything (having finished liquid and mushie stage) but it is still no where near as much as what we were eating pre-banding.

My sis and I went crimbo shopping(Christmas shopping) today together which is somthing we have begun to do every year, set aside a day to go together and buy out stocking fillers wrapping paper and all the little bit's and bob's that you tend to forget about, we do go shopping together often and have days out but this is special as we have no kids with us and no partners, we go and have a BIG fried breakfast before we hit the shop's and that will see us through till lunch time then we would go to a restaurant and have lunch, only this time we went for the breakfast and neither of us could finish it at all, so even tho we don't have a fill yet we do have some restriction and today we didn't manage to have lunch as we were still full from breakfast, so it just goes to show you, I have been moaning on about being hungry all the time and eating loads but in reality I don't think I have really been eating as much as I thought.

The sales here are amazing, The 'credit crunch' is really showing, all the stores have sales, 10% off 20% off even 30% and in some stores 50%. I don't really understand whats going on, we are in this mess due to people not paying morgages and loans back as they can't afford them but on the other hand they are trying to make us take more loans and spend more money! Bank's are closing and even Woolworths... which is 99 years old, and I was so shocked to find out Woolworths is closing down. It's all a big worry, I am hoping my husbands job is ok, he works in a care home for autistic adults, I guess they will always need care no matter what state financially the country is in. Bank of England's intrest rates have gone down to 2% and V A T is now only 15%.

I thought this was funny.....was emailed to me from my sis.....



To My Bank

Dear Sirs,

In view of what seems to be happening internationally with banks at the moment, I was wondering if you could advise me. If one of my checks is returned marked "insufficient funds," how do I know whether that refers to me or to you?

Thanks,

LOL...Just a little 'credit crunch' humor

Zenaxx

Just a QUICKIE !!!

I just wanted to let you all know that I have lost my stickie out stitch, BOO HOO HOO, I know it's a silly thing but I quite enjoyed having it as part of my war wound lol. Thanks Bridget and LapBandGirl, your words of wisdom have come true!!!

Zenaxx

My Christmas card to you all xx

Getting the Christmas spirit!!!

I weighed in on Thursday and I have lost another 3 lb, Fantastic!!! I really didn't think I would have lost anything at all as my appetite seems to be returning to 'normal'. Again today I have had a hungry day, I am in danger of putting weight on this week and that will really piss me off as I will only have myself to blame, I need to get into a routine, like Bridget and eating breakfast. I do find it really hard to eat first thing in the morning even if I am hungry. I need to get myself sorted with meals, snacks and drinking, I am still not drinking enough and in this cold weather the last thing I want is a cold drink and I know just coffee is not good enough to be the only fluid intake I have all day, my lips are sore and chapped and I think it is because I am not drinking enough.

Get a grip Zena!!!! Damn it!!

Good news about the car, It's all sorted and is parked outside our house yipeeee it's lovely and a dream to drive, it's like gliding on ice lol. Renault grand scenic in red(nothing fancy) it has 7 seats like my last car which is very handy if the kids want to take a friend or if we go to see Steve's Dad and partner and all go out together,we just need to take the one car.

The weather here is FREEZING!!! we are going to have snow this week. I hate the cold brrr brrr shiver!!! it would be VERY strange to have Christmas in the middle of summer though, No snowmen... no little robins... no roasted chestnuts on an open fire LOL. I couldn't imagine going sunbathing on Christmas day or cooking a full roast and yorkshire puds with the full works and the sun beaming down.

Here is my Christmas Card to you all.

Merry Christmas xxx

I loved this and thought you would too.

'Twas the night before Banding, when all through my gut
not a morsel was stirring, not even a nut.

The suitcase was packed by the back door with care,
in hopes that a new me would soon return there.

I lay nestled, snug in my bed
while visions of calories danced in my head;

And me in my plus size pyjamas and wrap,
had just settled in for a long restless nap.

When deep in my mind there arose such a clatter,
I sprang from my dreams to see what was the matter.

Away to my fridge I flew like a flash, ripped open the door and drooled at the stash.

The moonlight reflecting off the beautiful snacks
gave a lustre of radiance to all on the racks.

When, what to my wondering eyes should appear,
but an array of the comfort foods I hold so dear.

With a familiar feeling of all those I'd pick,
I thought in a moment I just might be sick.

More lovely than angels their voices they came,
and they whistled and shouted and called me by name;

"Now pizza, now french fries, now chocolate galore
on cheesecake, on ice cream, on donuts and more!"

From the tip of my tongue, to the bottom of my toe,
I will miss you all more than ever you'll know.

As an addict that shakes and stirs as he sits,
I'll mourn the loss of my delectable hits.

So back to my bed I went with great haste,
and settled back down with nary a taste.

And then in an instant, in pre-op I sat,
nervously waiting to no longer be fat.

As I sat deep in thought and adjusted my gown,
in came my surgeon in one single bound.

He was dressed all in scrubs, from his head to his feet
and he seemed very calm as he eyed me like meat.

He looked at my chart, with his scope gave a listen;
I don't think he noticed my eyes start to glisten.

He was chubby and plump he could lose some himself,
and I laughed when I saw him in spite of myself.

A wink of his eye and a twist of his head,
soon gave me to know I had nothing to dread.

He spoke barely a word as he prepped for his work,
he paused for a moment, then turned with a jerk.

And laying a finger aside of his face,
and giving a nod, out of the room he did race.

He checked in the next day, to his students gave a whistle,
and away they all flew like a down of a thistle.

But I heard him exclaim as he walked out of sight,
"speedy thinness to you and a healthier life!"

I have not weighed yet that will be Thursday, although I am not hopeful that I have actually lost any weight at all, my appetite is quite alot, That's how I know I must be all healing inside, the swelling must have gone down and now I can't wait for my first fill (13Th DEC). Alas I must not be so impatient as I keep telling my husband. We are in the midst of getting a new car and waiting for the finance company to get in touch is like watching paint dry....they take so bloody long, then I have to sort out insurance and then I have to go to peterborough just to tax it! and my husband is near chewing the carpet as they are quote 'Taking too f****** long, why is it always me...Blah Blah Blah..' he is so impatient , thank God i can turn a 'deaf un' or I wouldn't put up with HIM !!! he thinks everyone should just see the Harford name and know it's for him and they should drop every other job they are doing and concentrate on him him him and nothing else, Now what gets me annoyed is if they say they will ring you back and they DON'T, or they do ring back just at that moment you have decided to pop to the loo.

I am also very happy to report that my bowel movements have returned to normal, thankfully, as straining the other day did make me a little worried as I could feel it inside around where my band is. There is still nothing to report about my sticky out stitch (pling ♪♫♪♫) I am however wondering how they are going to remove it? has anyone else had a stitch sticking out????

I got a little too excited with the cheese grater last night when making my dinner, I think I was just so excited to be having cheese I have very much missed it, that I took a chunk out of my finger and it is quite sore now, there was blood gushing every where and it is at least down to the bone... I think I need a skin graft!. OK OK so I exaggerate, there was hardly any blood and I don't need a skin graft, a plaster will do!!!! but it is sore. That damn cheese grater is a bloody death trap. I have to do something like this every now and then just to remind my husband that he really is the best at doing some stuff, like grating cheese...putting out the bins... (I may trip over the uneven slab)and using screw drivers...(I always 'accidentally' damage the things around the screw when the screw driver slips of) tee hee hee. I guess I am just a traditional gal at heart.

I don't know what to have for dinner tonight. Yes I need a fill, I am back to my old ways already, thinking of my meals in advance, I didn't do that after surgery as I felt full, but now grrrr I need to eat. I HAVE TO KEEP REMINDING MYSELF, LITTLE AND OFTEN.

Thanks Fluffy, It's good to know, For warned is for armed and all that.

Please remember to use the links to the right of the page to other's blogs, I find it so helpful. And I love keeping up to date with what my new friends are up to. I have found their advice invaluable, Thanks to all of you....Sniff sniff,

Zenaxx

Weigh in today, I have only lost 1lb. Well I shouldn't say only as I am happy as it is a loss after all I just thought that as I am only going into my third week being banded maybe I should have lost more,a bit of pressure there to keep up with others. I actually feel great about my loss and to think I haven't had to starve myself half to death to lose a whole pound! This is not a quick fix to lose weight, it's a permanent fixture so slow but sure is ok with me. I am not worrying about having to lose 'x' amount of weight by 'x' day, let it just happen is what I say.

I love my Band xx

We are now on mushie.... Yipeeeeeeeee.... Sheppard pie OMG!!! yum yum! as you can see my love of food has not been lost, I still have to learn to curb it tho! Eyes bigger than my belly.... literally lol I am still not able to judge the amount but that will come with time. The great thing is that when I am full I sure know about it and that's it I stop eating.

I do have to share with you tho... I am constipated, I know I am not drinking enough fluid, and I have to say I am a bit scared to try to open my bowels as I am straining and I can feel it on my stomach and worried I am going to disrupt my band. I will drink some green tea tonight and hopefully that will sort me out but I don't want to have to take something everyday just to make me go to the loo. Although I am on mushie now so I will be able to eat plenty of veg, rather than just soup.

It was Machela's birthday on Tuesday she is now 13. on Wednesday my two older girls went to London on a school trip to watch two shows, Grease and Hairspray and to stay over the night in a London hotel, they will also have a guided tour around London, I wish I was able to go I would absolutely love it!!! they are due home tonight, and also today is my eldest daughters birthday (Aurora) she is now 14. I am pleased they went on a trip other wise it would have been three days of celebrating and there would have been food all over the place, chocolate, sausage rolls, sandwiches all sorts, and none of it I can have, so it was a bit of a blessing, there will be birthday cake later tonight but I can handle that.

I am really missing gum too, I used to chew it everyday, I have to do alot of talking at work and it helped to stop that dry mouth feeling also helped with the coffee breath when you can't get to your toothbrush. I understand why we can't have it and it is such a small thing to give up in the grand scheme of things but I do miss it. Well I think we can't have it because if we swallow it, we will not be able to digest it and it will block up the tiny hole in the stomach or chewing activates the enzymes (stomach juices) and encourages digestion. or maybe both reasons. ummmm No actually I am not sure!! Does anyone know? am I right? all I do know is that I miss it!.

My war wounds are healing very nicely, I have one tiny one you can hardly see it and the others seem to be getting smaller and the scabs are falling off on their own accord. My large scar is my favorite, and I can now feel the port under the scar which is a bit weired, My sticky out stitch is STILL there, PLING PLING ♪♫♪♫ I keep having a little tug on it now and then to see if there is any movement....but still nothing.

My first weigh in .......

►►I can't believe that I can feel this full and actually loose weight!!!!◄◄

I have lost 14lb in 2 weeks, my sis has lost 13lb (6kg approx) that's 'FAN BLOODY TASTIC'!!!!! I have been putting of weighing myself and it has been so hard to resist, I am going to try so hard to NOT live on the scales but I think I will find it too difficult as I am used to weighing myself after every significant moment in a day like......First thing in the morning....Before a pee....after a pee.....before a poo.....after a poo.....before I get dressed.....after I am dressed....before dinner....after dinner I think you get the picture LOL.☺

I quite like my sticky out stitch, it's in just the right place for when I feel like strumming my air guitar ♪♫ ♪♫ pling ♪♫♪♫ pling ♪♫♪♫ pling ♪♫♪♫
It's ok it is soluble, so should be gone in a couple of weeks!♪♫

I also started back at work yesterday, everybody was so lovely, genuinely asking how I am and I was told I was very much missed, that's always nice, but soon got back into the swing of my boring job, after all I have only been away for a week.

Last night after parent teacher meeting's (my girl's are doing very well by the way) I sat down to watch a little tv, and was offered some sugar free jelly...... ummmmm that will be ok as I can mush it around in my mouth and it'll break down and it will be liquid...then I will swallow it and all will be fine. Well lets put it this way I certainly got my monies worth out of it as I had to eat the same piece twice!. Twice? I hear you say, Yes Twice..... the first time it was so slippy It just slithered down in one big chunk.....OMG !!!! I am liquid stage !!!! I am gonna die... Death by chocolate NO>>>> Death by bloody jelly!!!!! so YES I did it....I did that kind of burp thing and brought it back up again and instead of spitting it out---yes---and before I even thought about it I was panicking and rinsing it through my teeth like it was mouth wash and then I swallowed it.....AGAIN............ Oh few!!! That was close, needless to say, I didn't eat the rest.

Oh did I tell you just how funny my sister is ? she makes me laugh so much, things she say's and things she does, she just crack's me up. a big bungalow is a 'bingalow', a kestrel is a 'cholesterol'..we pulled into McDonald's as we have been so good with our soup's and thought we would have a milkshake, so we went through the drive through, placed the order and drove to the next window to pick up the order.......Well my sis, I don't know how she did it but she must have pushed the button for the window.....midway the guy trying to pass her the drinks ..... oh...... ohhhhh......no...uhhh the window is moving up. tee hee hee she is just soooooo funny. These things only happen in cartoons, Oh and in 'Sona land'.

I am so happy and relieved to report that my sister (Sona) is feeling so much better today as far as the wind pain is concerned. So Thank you all for your wonderful advice, (again). I think I would panic if I had not received any comments from you, Panic-me-nooooo-never lol.

I think I have been more hungry today, or hungry on a more regular basis. it seems I eat my normal half a cup then an hour later I feel my stomach rumble again, the soup is going in but not staying lol.

I removed my main dressing today and had a proper shower it was bliss, but I have noticed I have a stitch poking out through my wound, if it's soluble then no problems, however if it's not then I don't know what to do about it, I will ring in the morning to see what I should do, Fingers crossed it's soluble!!! I don't fancy the long drive there just to get that sorted. Other than that my war wounds look very good, A bit itchy but that is to be expected as they are healing.

I wanted to try and describe how the band feels but the closest I could get to doing that is 'imagine the feeling of wearing tight trousers when you have had your Christmas dinner' it's like being tied up across your stomach.... this made me think how stupid I am as that is exactly what the band is lol oh well.

I spent the day with my sister as the kids were at school and Steve was at work, we didn't do anything except watch tv. we don't get the opportunity to do nothing often so we are making the most of recuperating, both still in our pj's, Well I have got to get my monies worth out of them as they are new (don't ya know) and hopefully they won't fit for long.

So that's it in the world of the Banded sister's......For the moment........

I am still very worried about my sister, she is in so much pain, every time she eats the pain in her shoulder starts and lasts for about 30 mins each time, she is using heat compress, she is also taking Deflatine, and a non-fizzy pain killer, She is moving around and still this pain persists. We are both 3-days post opp now, is it normal to last this long?.

I am finding it bit difficult to read my new body signals I must admit, Not knowing weather the pains I have are hunger pains or just pain from muscles due to the surgery, also knowing when enough food is enough, I think I can manage half a cup off soup at a time, then I feel bloated, the bloated feeling comes on all of a sudden too, like its that one extra mouthful that makes all the difference, I am getting used to it and I think forgetting all the lessons learnt before and starting a fresh is key. My stomach still grumbles quite alot, is this my big empty stomach or my new little stomach? so I assume when it grumbles I must be hungry! although I am not sure if I am or not!!!. The most important thing is I am not forcing myself to eat at any stage and that I am actually enjoy the soup stage, I love soup. And to have it and feel full after without the usual 3-4 or even 5 slices of bread is fantastic!!! but my mind still has to catch up, a couple of times I have thought that I am really hungry and maybe this time I should have a whole cup, but that's just the old me, and I have to have faith in my new band!. Half a cup is plenty.

Breakfast- Banana shake (Half a cup)
Lunch- Oxtail soup (half a cup)
Dinner- the rest of the oxtail soup.
Supper- another serving of banana shake ( I seem to crave banana at the moment)

in between I have been sipping at water. and the odd coffee, but have not yet managed to finish a whole cup of coffee or whole cup of anything, That's ok and I am not going to force anything, my stomach is satisfied with just half a cup. That's so cool!!!

I am in quarantine at the moment, it seems all my children have picked up a cold, and I sure could do without that at the moment but tis that time of year! my hubby doesn't have a cold....no he has 'flu' bless him, but i cant kick him out of his own bedroom, so I am doing what I can to make sure I don't get it but there is only so much you can do when they all live with you, he has been sleeping facing the other way lol and when he is asleep he doesn't seem to move anyway then he is up early for work.

I am feeling better and better each day, I know my stomach is still swollen and not sure if I will comfortably get my uniform on for work but don't need to go in until Thursday so a few more days yet. I have not yet weighed myself, I will do it on Thursday.

WE ARE ALIVE!!!!!

Well Hello There, I'm Back!!!

The opp went very well for us both, although my sister has the shoulder pain and is being sick every time she gets up! poor thing, I feel so guilty as I have hardly any pain, I just feel like I have gone ten rounds in a boxing ring and been punched in the stomach a few times, but other than that I am very well, I keep nodding of to sleep which is better than not being able to sleep.

We arrived just after 7am, Had to give some blood, then we had to go and have a little chat with the anesthetist, it was the same questions over and over again which is good I suppose to make sure they have the right person, I wouldn't like to wake up and find I have acquired a penis..or had a nose job LOL.

We were then shown through to the ward, we had a double room which was great to be together, our opps were scheduled for 12.00 (me) and 1pm for my sis. The surgeon came round and asked us the questions AGAIN... he is a lovely man. We shook hands and off he went.

Surgery was running late and I didn't go down until 1:40, From there on I don't remember too much, I don't know what time my sis went down as she was gone when I got back to the room. I know I couldn't rest properly until I knew my sis was ok, every time someone walked into the room I asked 'is my sis ok' I have no idea what time had passed between each question, it may have been minutes or only seconds I can't tell they probably got fed up of me asking, I however do not care!!!, then in she came being wheeled in on her bed, 'are you ok sis' and I heard a little moan which i had to translate...and it was, 'yes I am absolutely chipper' then we both went to sleep.

I am now pleased to be home and wrapped in the love of my family, feeling a bit silly about being so frightened, but hey! we have to get over these things.

I also want to thank all of you wonderful ladies that have left the most wonderful comments, it is so nice to see people I have never meet can be so caring, Thank you all again.

Well here is my last post until after surgery, All Hell has broken loose here tonight, I thought my kids were cool with the opp, but how wrong could I be, I didn't let on to them how scared I was or anything like that at all, and I have only told them bits about the opp not the risks, or any of the problems that could arise, I have not discussed my being afraid in front of them, but I guess it must have rubbed of some how.

I have been doing last minute things and packing my bag, making sure things are tidy you know that sort of stuff, getting my bits together, then it's time for the kids to go to bed so I do the usual ' Girls five more mins then to bed, so finish what you are doing' That's ok at this point...........................Then comes the kisses goodnight and the floods of tears from all three of them......and then I started to cry of course.

It made me think what the Hell am I doing? Surly another 20 years with me around (all be it OBESE) is better than not having 2o years or so with me at all, what happens if I snuff it tomorrow???? My three beautiful girls are robbed of precious years of having their mother, sure, I know what that is like my own mother has been stolen from me way too soon, But she was stolen by obesity!! the thing that I am trying to stop robbing my Girls. Damn it.

I can't help it but since I had children I am afraid of my own shite! I mean risks I would have taken before seem to worry me now. Getting on a plane for instance, besides the obvious of fitting into the seat, What if the plane crashes, as they say 'when your number's up... it's up', it's just a damn shame if it's someone else's number and you are on the same bloody plane....

Anyway that's it ! The kids and I had loads of cuddles and I love you's and I love you more's...and kisses, they finally went to bed, I gave them one of my special teddies each.

My bag is packed, my sis and Phil will be here at 5am and we will be off to join the exclusive club for bandster's.

There is just one more thing to say, and that's to my hubby.....That I will keep private.

Thanks for all the well wishes xx


Chat Soon xxxxxxxxxxx

I just like to share......


Take a look at my NEW pj's, how exciting lol, I thought as I am going to be spending a night in the hospital I ought to buy new pj's, I don't think others will appreciate my comfy ones with holes in and elastic all hanging out, I can't go around saying 'but they are comfortable' if I am out of it. Got some new slippers to, with a bit of bling on them, I like a bit of sparkle, Oh and a new dressing gown...... no expense spared here that's for sure!!!. I know not normally something to get excited about, but .......... LOL.

The new dressing gown....

The new slippers....... (can't see the bling)

Woohoo!!! the new pj's...

...........as I said I just like to share.

They are not the only new things I have purchased lately, I bought new scales, Good scales, not cheap old rubbish, weight watchers, but every time I step on them they say something different!!! first they said OUCH!!! then....they said OMG!!!! HELP!!!!....then ... OH NO, YOUR KILLING ME!!!! LOl - (sorry, small things amuse small minds), although its true they haven't agreed on any of the readings, I think they may be schizophrenic, Oh well whatever they have to go back!

Hiya Gal's Thanks for your comments and wonderful word's of wisdom, ok so I am hanging in there and I must admit today has not been so bad, I have been drinking loads (peeing loads more).

Nola my hubby especially liked the comment about having loads of sex!! (well you didn't say loads, my hubby added that bit in) but as I reminded him, I have had no food and I am to weak to partake in such an activity....however!! if he helped a little more around the house, thus conserving my little energy stores I may be able to partake a little more in said activities!!!....my house is now like a new pin...lol.

I have been drinking loads today, and had clear soup as advised, as I do listen and take advice on board, It all helps. Thankyou all xxxx

Help me I am starving !!!!!

The weather here is sooooooo cold, winter is drawing in and the nights are getting darker, it's dark by 5:30pm now and its depressing!!!, We have just got back from Hunstanton where we have a static van and like to go every opportunity we can, we have now closed it for the winter.


I am soooooooooooo HUNGRY!!!!!

This is what I was scarrrrrrrrred of, feeling hungry, I can't cope with hunger pains, All I am doing is obsessing about food, food I cannot have. (Does Chupa chups count as food?).Today I felt sick and weak, I am already wasting away, (does chicken count as food? No really tho! it's not is it? not if you take of the tasty crispy brown crunchy skin! is it?). Slim fast (optispew) why does it taste so shite? and to think I have actually paid good money for this crap!!!! am I mad or insane??? giving up good bucks for this stuff!!! (what if I only suck the chupa chup and don't crunch it?) My intolerance to not having food is crazy.



I can do this, It's only for a few more days!!! I can, I can, I can. Think of the bigger picture, it's only 3 more days.(what if I put some mash spuds in my slim fast? if I put it in real quick so it don't know it's there, and if I turn a blind eye surly it can't count?) I think I might go to bed early, try to sleep for the next three days.



Thank God for my wonderful hubby, he managed to cook dinner again, Something telleth me he duth not be trusting me!!! Can you imagine? I promise, when I nibbled his ear it was a love thing, I wasn't actually gonna take a big chunk !!!! c'mon... AS IF !!!! Grrrrrrrrrr.

KEEP ON SMILING !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Butterflies !! (in the tummy)

I had a lovely night tonight, I went out with my great friend Estelle, we went for a meal and mostly talked about banding (I hope I didn't bore you Estelle) It was more like the last supper!!! before the opp anyway, we go out every now and then and have a good old catch up, mind you having said that we reckon the last time we went out was probably a year ago OMG!! how time flies.

Then we went to a spiritualist church and they had a medium this is a meeting they have every week, although this is the first time I have gone, It was OK but nothing to exciting or anything to write home about, I am pleased I went tho as it is something I have wanted to do for a while.

Seven more sleeps until our opp!!!!!!! wow I can't believe it, the time is passing so quick, One more eating day!!! I am going to my sisters house tomorrow night we are going to weigh, take measurements and take loads of pictures. Oh and did I mention all of the alcohol we may need to clear out the cupboards....all in the name of 'preparing for the opp' of course.

I am getting the old butterflies in the tummy now,every time I think of Thursday 6Th Nov. But I am dreading the liquid diet we have to start on Friday, It's because we have done this before and I know we are going to be starving. I am not worried about the liquid diet after the opp after the good advise from Nola... Thanks Nola.

My Beautiful family.

My Husband Steve, then left to right, Machela 12, Elyssa 9, and Aurora 13.




Did I mention how wonderful my family are, My husband is so supportive in everything I do, He loves me the way I am, every stretch mark and every bulge, I have alot of both, so that's alot of lovin !!!!!



My girls are also wonderful, sure a mum is supposed to think this and we all do think this of our kids and that's the way it should be, but it never ceases to amaze me how my children are also supportive of me too and are never embarrassed about my size NEVER!!!.

I have been so inspired reading every one's blog's, I have cried many tears too, of joy and sadness, also tears of laughter some are so funny, others are more serious but the message seems to be the same throughout and that is too carry on and follow your dream of being slim or slimmer, the good things totally out weigh the bad and all the people from blogs I have read are doing it, they are actually losing weight, these are people like me that have tried every diet known to man, and their weight is coming off, so it has got to be the right thing to do IT'S WORKING.

If ever I feel uninspired which I am sure will be quite often I will just have to remind myself to read read read and that is my advice to others to that may have slipped along the way, you may be thinking 'oh shes a good one to give advice and she is not even banded yet' well actually I do feel qualified as I know what it is like to fall off the wagon, I have done it soooooo many times in my life, this diet that diet and so on.

13 sleeps until banding, I think by that time I will have put on another stone, I just keep eating food like I will never have it again, I am afraid my work trousers wont fit by Monday, I still have 1 week to go before I start my pre-banding diet I will have to go to work in non-uniform stretchy trousers... OMG!!! the shame of it lol ...........I have been squeezing into these as it is no more room to expand. I have been hell bent on the fact that I am NOT I repeat NOT getting a lager size, NOT A HOPE!!.

But I am enjoying the guilt free eating, I feel justified as I know it will be a long time before I can eat those foods again (as a treat now and then maybe ok) It's like when you are pregnant.... WELL I AM EATING FOR 2 NOW.... Guilt free eating its like your subconscious taking a holiday packed it's bag's and gone and you have been let loose on the cupboard, no little voice in your head saying ' you shouldn't be eating this that's at least 5000 kcal, no! no! not a second one STOP STOP' The brakes aren't working !!!!!!

Only those of you that have been banded can tell what it feels like, I mean now when I am full I can always squeeze another bit of cake in or an extra yorkshire pudding, When I am banded how am I going to stop myself putting that extra bit in, how am I going to know when I am full, lets be honest that's what got me into this mess in the first place.I know if I eat too much the band could slip and I need to avoid that at all cost's, BUT HOW WILL I KNOW WHEN TO STOP? is it a different feeling? Oh my gosh I am getting myself into a bit of a PANIC now. URGENT ADVICE REQUIRED PLEASE xxxx. If there is anyone there that wouldn't mind sparing a minute or 2 please leave a comment. Thank you.