Well here is my last post until after surgery, All Hell has broken loose here tonight, I thought my kids were cool with the opp, but how wrong could I be, I didn't let on to them how scared I was or anything like that at all, and I have only told them bits about the opp not the risks, or any of the problems that could arise, I have not discussed my being afraid in front of them, but I guess it must have rubbed of some how.
I have been doing last minute things and packing my bag, making sure things are tidy you know that sort of stuff, getting my bits together, then it's time for the kids to go to bed so I do the usual ' Girls five more mins then to bed, so finish what you are doing' That's ok at this point...........................Then comes the kisses goodnight and the floods of tears from all three of them......and then I started to cry of course.
It made me think what the Hell am I doing? Surly another 20 years with me around (all be it OBESE) is better than not having 2o years or so with me at all, what happens if I snuff it tomorrow???? My three beautiful girls are robbed of precious years of having their mother, sure, I know what that is like my own mother has been stolen from me way too soon, But she was stolen by obesity!! the thing that I am trying to stop robbing my Girls. Damn it.
I can't help it but since I had children I am afraid of my own shite! I mean risks I would have taken before seem to worry me now. Getting on a plane for instance, besides the obvious of fitting into the seat, What if the plane crashes, as they say 'when your number's up... it's up', it's just a damn shame if it's someone else's number and you are on the same bloody plane....
Anyway that's it ! The kids and I had loads of cuddles and I love you's and I love you more's...and kisses, they finally went to bed, I gave them one of my special teddies each.
My bag is packed, my sis and Phil will be here at 5am and we will be off to join the exclusive club for bandster's.
There is just one more thing to say, and that's to my hubby.....That I will keep private.
Thanks for all the well wishes xx
Chat Soon xxxxxxxxxxx
Sad Announcement
8 years ago
5 comments:
Oh you so remind me of myself. I even considered writing my children and hubby a goodbye letter just incase i died on the table. lol But i decided not to and to be positive and think positive. You will be fine it is normal for these worries from you and you family. You are making a life changing decision. But please let me reassure you in saying it is the best thing that i have ever done for my health. Not for 1 second have i ever regreted it. Life is too good to be overweight. It is now you time to enjoy life and all of it's extra pleasures you can find with loosing the weight. So be empowered and remember this is for you! and to help you being the best mum and wife you can be. Take care and see you after your an new bandit. lol:O) I will keep you in my thoughts.
Cheers Tina
Okay, you may think I'm mad but I pulled a tarot card for you. I did the same thing the night before my operation when I was freaking out like you. I concentrated on you and called on the white light and the spirits to guide my selection - I pulled one card only - The Empress. This card is very positive and is about nurturing the new you. You will be fine and so will your family but you will need to care and nurture the emerging new you. Here is what the official meaning of the card says:
Basic Tarot Meaning
The Empress is a creator, be it creation of life, of romance, of art or business. While the Magician is the primal spark, the idea made real, and the High Priestess is the one who gives the idea a form, the Empress is the womb where it gestates and grows till it is ready to be born. This is why her symbol is Venus, goddess of beautiful things as well as love. Even so, the Empress is more Demeter, goddess of abundance, then sensual Venus. She is the giver of Earthly gifts, yet at the same time, she can, in anger withhold, as Demeter did when her daughter, Persephone, was kidnapped. In fury and grief, she kept the Earth barren till her child was returned to her.
The Empress card is one of the easier trumps to read. She's Mother. Generally, Mother in a good sense, patient, loving, giving, generous. If defining her as the Querent, you can say that they are currently feeling like a mother hen, worried about their children, new business, new creation, or new romance. Male or female, they want to dote and hover and fret over every little sneeze and problem. If defining the Empress as someone related to the Querent, well, it might well be the Querent's Mom, or a woman who's very motherly toward them.
Of course, the Empress can also be the worst aspects of an attentive Mom; she can smother, not know when to let go, be possessive and jealous of those who would take away her "baby." It is important for the Querent to realize that plants can die from over-watering as easily as neglect.
This card tells the Querent that if they want their new romance, new career, new business, new creation to grow into all it can be they have to pay attention to it, baby it and be willing to let it take those first steps when it is ready. Most of all, like any pregnant mother or good gardener, they have to be patient. All things need time to gestate and sprout.
Go grab the new life that the band offers - expect to feel like crap for about 4 days!! Mel
Zena,
Your fears are normal. I felt them as I was lying on the table, I remember thinking OMG, I haven't written those letters to my husband and daughter, I didn't tell my mum about the op and as that mask was coming over my face I felt regret for not being able to do this weight thing on my own... But now 2 days later, I have no regrets, my family know I love them (they already knew I loved them), Your lovely family will be chasing after and showing you how much they love you and very very soon YOU will be chasing them arond because you have the energy to do it!
Take care sweetie, thinking of you on this very special step in your life.
Dawn
xxx
You sound perfectly normal to me. I'll be thinking about you while you have the surgery. Take it easy and give yourself time to heal. Don't try to be superwoman.
Be positive. I'm positive you will be fine and you will enjoy so many more years with your girls, and have the energy and stamina to keep up with them.
xox
Oh Zena I so relate to you in relation to taking the risks now that I have children.... everything scares me when I used to be very very different... alot of my friends don't understand why I have made this change and are constantly referring to my other half as the reason... but I know within me that it is because I have fear for my children..
on another note I hope and pray that your surgery went well and I look forward to hearing all about it and following you on your banding journey. Best of luck :)Crista*
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