Don't make me....Don't make me....Don't make me....Don't make me....Don't make me....Don't make me....Don't make me....Don't make me....Don't make me..................................
DON'T MAKE ME.... TELL YOU ALL THE TRUTH!!!! Pleaseeeeeeeeeee.... I am so ashamed of myself!
Can you all please read my mind so I don't have to say it out loud!
arghhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!!!!!!!!!!!
OK!!...Gosh, don't be so impatient, this ain't easy! I am gonna type it as fast as I can so please can you read it as fast as you can then it won't be so painful for me !!! Ok here goes...
I put on 3 lb.
What did you say?
I put on 3 lb.
Sorry still can't hear you?
I put on 3 lb.
Ay..What did you say?
I put on 3 lb.
Sorry luv, I don't do lip reading?
I put on 3 lb.
BLOODY HELL!
Holy SHIT ! and it's only myself to blame, I knew I would be so upset and disappointed with myself, but still I had the chocolate.. the cheese.. the crackers.. and near normal size portions too, who am I kidding, what do I mean NEAR normal, Huh! they were larger than what a normal person would consider a normal portion. I am emotionally in the same place at the moment as I was pre-banding when I was just about to start liquid stage. It is because I am having a fill on Saturday and I know I wont be able to eat 'normal' after it, so I am having it all now.
I have to be honest, I did actually consider not telling the truth, I thought if I say I have lost only 1 lb they won't know any different, I feel bad for thinking that and I am sorry for thinking it, I would only be kidding myself at the end of the day and I want this diary of my experience to be honest and true, for me! and anyone else who may be interested. I have NOT lied nor would I ever!
I am off now to crawl back under the stone from where I came.
I am a stupid stupid stupid cow!!!!
.
Sad Announcement
8 years ago
9 comments:
Bloody hell,....calm down woman!!!!! This is NORMAL....ya hear me??? NORMAL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Go look at my Goddess Graph...I did the same thing!!! This "head" eating takes a bit of getting under control you know! We knew it would take a bit of fine tuning and it certainly is. It took us years to get like this and years of bad habits....we can't expect them all to disappear overnight!! Even when you have your first fill....you still might feel hungry....JUST ASK ME!!!! I am hanging out for Tuesday for my 2nd fill....the first one just hasn't cut it. I still feel hungry...I have EATEN SHIT!!! Let's move on and get over it....the best is yet to come:) We WILL do this.....just be patient.....and KIND to yourself!!!!!!!!
You are not a stupid cow, you are a lovely woman struggling with longstadning behaviours around eating and food - as Nola says, be kind to yourself.
It's the beginning of a long road, and this was just the first pothole... and the blog is a sort of confessional, isn't it? It's OK to feel and say any of this, and there are plenty of other people in the same situation as you who will sympathise. The difference once you've been banded is that unlike marriage, it really IS for better or for worse - you can't 'just give up' - you just pick yourself up and carry on. You'll do it, you'll see!
Caroline
Zena...
I know how you feel... first fill on Sat and I'm only just holding myself together. I'm visiting my sister who is 'in the Christmas spirit' and I am thinking that ... what the hell... I get a fill on saturday and then I won't be able to over eat, but right at this moment I want to reward myself for being soooo bloody good and it's killing me. I just want to eat my way round the world...
So like Nola says - be kind to yourself, this is normal!
see you Saturday!!
;o)
xx
Don't beat yourself up so hard this week. Take today as a new day!!
I just stumbled upon your blog today as I was scanning google for some lap band blogs. I just started one of my own. I'm currently in the preop stage and will be banded on Monday, the 15th. I can't wait!!!!
Hi, I recently found your blog through...?....?? Heck, I can't remember, but here I am. I have been reading for about 3 weeks.
You have been a huge inspiration to me and I love reading your honest account of having the band. I was just banded on 11/17.
So you strayed off plan and ate some crap you weren't supposed to? And gained 3 lbs. They will melt away soon enough with your fill. Please don't feel bad. That doesn't help. Tomorrows a new day.
Hang in there!!
Hi Zena, stop beating yourself up girl! You are doing something about it, feel happy about that! We arrived at this place in our lives due to habits that have been formed over many many years, did you expect to overcome them immediately?
Do not expect too much from yourself straight away, this change is for the long haul baby, so find things to congratulate yourself about, like making this huge decision to become banded!
Keep on smilin'
Tracey
Hi ya,
I've sent you a message via - ebay!! but I'm not sure if it's you or not!
If it's not you then some poor smuck has recieved a very weird email from me!
Can you email me your mobile so we can get in touch for tomorrow? you'll find my email address on my profile.
;O)
Dawn
Nola- I am calm-NOW! I knew I was going to put weight on, I just couldn't stop myself, it's that self distruct button we all have. Yes your right I knew it wasn't going to be easy, I am all geared up for it not to be easy, but old habits die hard eh?
Melanie- Isn't it hard, just as you think everything is going to be ok and all is well with the world...these bad behaviours rear their UGLY heads!!! I must learn these new goods habits.
Caroline- I do love the freedom we have to say whats on our minds on the blog, it does make me feel so much better, just knowing we all have these problems makes it much more bearable. It is a long, long road....but I can see the light, the band gives me that hope, I know it will happen.
Dawn- CAN'T WAIT !!!!!!See you tomorrow ;0)
Tamra- welcome to my blog, I would love to read your blog..Whats the address? Good Luck on Monday, it will be so worth it, please try to keep in touch I would love to follow your journey!
Jamie- Also Welcome to my blog, I have had a look at your blog and look forward to reading it all.I have stopped beating myself up!!! lol,I think I was ready for a fill 2 weeks ago, and you had yours early, I know it was a bit of a shock for you, but I do think you are better off to get it done so soon.
Thankyou for saying I am a huge inspiration to you,(you make me blush)I find so many people on here an inspiration, It's so wonderful to have this network of friends.
Tracey- Oh Tracey, Tracey I know, what can I say??? Damn those DAMN Habits!!! The head thing is alot to sort out isn't it lol
I want my brain sorted....NOW!!!!
Thankyou all so very much for your kind words....
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