Time for another moan.
I have no banding news, I am still waiting for my second fill on Friday, I have little restriction, Meat is still hard to eat, well it's easy to eat it just hurts going down LOL. I think I am eating 2/3 of what I could eat pre-banding, so it is still less than before and I have not weighed as I don't think I wish to see how much weight I have put on I guess old habits die hard, if I had a bad week on a diet I would never weigh in, it would always piss me right off to see how much I had put on and then I would go A.W.O.L on the diet plan, although I think I always knew to within a lb or 2. I will be brave and weigh in on Friday...... it's all head fuck stuff and I have my own reasons for doing things the way I do that others may not understand the logic, I don't think I understand the logic....I am what I am and I do what I do.
I am feeling a little low tonight and felt that I just had to get my feelings of my chest, The house is yet again STILL upside down and the kids have pissed me right off. I love my kids (obviously) but we have had a few 'Barnie's' tonight over silly little things that have built up over time and I am just a little stressed more than normal. Sometimes I just feel like my head is going to explode, and I am sure the kids wish my head WOULD explode....LOL. My husband has been working allot lately so I don't feel I have had very much support, WAAHHHHHH. My husband works in a care home for Autistic adults, so his work is very important and he often does a double shift and can come home feeling a little washed out (Mentally Drained) I know I am being selfish when I have the thoughts that he should be here with us especially as the extra money sure will come in handy but money isn't everything is it ? I need to be more tolerant and understanding, I know my faults I now need to put them right, easier said than done.
I want to cry............ I don't know why,...yes I do know why.... I miss my mum and wish she was here, A lady I know died the other day, I knew her through her daughter and daughter's husband as Steve and I used to work with them, I used to do her nails as I did gel nail extensions. She used to come round to mine once a month and we would have a good chat, such a lovely lady, Pauline was her name, she seemed quite fit to me, nice and slim and active too, but she suddenly had a heart attack and died.......just like that!!!! Has made me question my own mortality and stirred up feelings that I have tried to suppress for a while, I miss my mum so damn much!!!! I am 35 years old and right now I feel like a little girl...tears streaming down my face. I WANT MY MUM.
Here's to you Pauline, Thanks for letting me know you and touching my life they way you did, I truly feel honoured, I send you my love as you enter the next stage of your journey.Sweet lady rest in peace.
WAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH
Sad Announcement
8 years ago
8 comments:
Girl there is something going around lately I guess? I feel your pain on the just feeling blah .
I have been that way for a month or so now, Antidepressants are not helping either.
Not sure what it is , Not sure why it wont go away .BUt i sit here some nights and just cry , then im fine .
It sucks.
Totally understand where your coming from though !
Big hugs for you honey... I hope things get a little better soon
xoxox
(((((((((hugs))))))))
Bel
Hi ya,
We all question our own mortality when faced with the death of someone we feel was fit and healthy and shouldn't have passed on. Greive for those you've lost, and cry those tears. It will make you feel better - eventually. xxx
Thinking of you
xx
Awwww...I hate hearing you feel "blah". Perfectly normal to want your Mum and to be grieving for your friend also.
It just totally sucks when we get in these moods and only time will see us get out of them....no matter what anybody says...even me!! I wish I lived next to you so I could come over and we would put some music on and dance to "Don't you wish your girlfriend was hot like me!!" I hope you feel a bit better soon and good luck with your fill.
Truth be known we all feel like a good cry now and again. I say it is good for the soul. So cry away honey. We will all be your shoulder to lean on.
Take care and i hope things pick up for you soon:O)
Hugs from me too!
Tina.
Hated reading this, because I want to help, but trying to manage it in writing is so difficult, when the instinctive thing would be to just give you a really big hug and cry with you.
How I see it - in many cases (not all) we have arrived at the banding option in part because we're depressed because of our overweight, or for some other reason and being overweight pushes us over the edge, and it doesn't take much to feel swamped by the whole situation.
What ever age you are when you lose your parents, you still feel an orphan. I'm 55 & both mine died in 2004 (Dad) & early 2007 (Mum) and I still can't bear to go into the annexe to my house which we built for Mum (and which she only enjoyed for a couple of months). It takes little for me to blub too...
What your post says is that you were a good daughter and a bloddy 'good guy' all round. Why not tell your kids how you feel? They might understand it better than you think because you're their Mum...
Sorry this is so long. Hugs to you.
Caroline
hey....how did your fill go today? Do you feel any different?
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