So my story begins.....

This is me, 35 years old 18 stone and miserable....................
.....Well not on the outside, but deep inside in the pit of my stomach, I cringe at the thought of having to go out and for people to actually see me, put a smile on and pretend all is OK.



I am what you call a typical yo-yo dieter! I think I have done it all and in my experience they all work BUT when you stop you put it all back on and more!!!!! Weight watchers, Lighter Life,Cabbage soup,Atkins,Diet pills, Cambridge diet,Slimming world.....The list goes on and on I am pretty sure if you are reading this then we must have things in common ie. A weight problem, and if this is true then you know all about yo-yo dieting.



I think it runs in the family, my mothers side in general have a weight problem and health complications too probably due to weight, On my fathers side they all seem to be slim and wouldn't have a clue what being over weight is like, As a slim person said to me only a few days ago ' I think F** people are lazy that's why they are F**' in quite a matter of fact tone, and then preceded to say 'oh I hope I didn't offend you, I didn't mean it like that.' I was a bit gobbed smacked and didn't let on, I just said 'well only a person that has never been F** could say that.' and smiled... as usual... don't let anyone know they have just hurt the F** girls feelings, don't want to make a big issue out of it, don't want to draw negative attention to myself in fact I don't really want to draw any attention to myself, I just want to blend in with the back ground.



It's funny you know considering I would rather blend in I am very bubbly and friendly at work I work in a shop, I think I put on an act I'm not saying that I am not friendly but I think I feel I have to work so much harder to be accepted and draw away from the feelings I really have about myself. Actually no it's not an act it's a mask, a disguise, A shield to protect myself.



I have been over weight all of my adult life and a bit 'dumpy' from the age of about nine.

My sweet darling mother too had a weight problem all her life too, I remember when I was a little girl she was admitted to hospital and was made to eat boiled chicken and little veg everyday as an experiment, way back then... oh she sure lost weight, but YUP! you guessed it she put it all back on and more, She too did the Cambridge diet and many more besides. My sweet mother died just over two years ago from obesity related diseases, I watched her struggle with a variety of illnesses diabetes, angina, emphysema she had to sleep with a 'nippy' machine that would force oxygen into her lungs and would breath for her, and during the day she was hooked up to an oxygen tube up her nose. This is not the path I choose, nor do I want my daughters to watch me suffer and struggle. My poor sweet Mama, I love and miss you so much everyday x.



My sister and I struggle together hand in hand 'Hey sis I was talking to a women today and she has lost three stone, YEAH I know.. she has been using pills, Yes she got them from Dr... we should go and see if we can get them!!... OK see you there !' LOL My sister has always been by my side in fact she is the one taking me on this incredible journey that is going to change our lives for the positive forever. You see we have come to the end of the line, no more diets to try, No miracle pill that we can take to wake up slim in the morning and keep the weight of for the rest of our lives. As far as we know there is only one thing left to do 'SURGERY' Gastric Banding.



'Hey sis, you never guess what? I was talking to a women today that I haven't seen for ages and she has lost 16 stone !!!!! YEAH I know!!!! She had a band fitted, she looks FAB!!!!'



So we have made up our mind's and after many hours of researching we have appointments to go to see the surgeon on Saturday 11th Oct 2008.I am very nervous and we have to weigh up all the pros and cons, my heart tells me....do it NOW !!!! my head tells me to slow down there are risks, but I am already taking risks being the size I am arn't I ? Heart attack, diabetes, and so on and on and on.......I just want to be free and be the real person that's inside this big F** person.