It's been a few days since I last left a blog, I feel that I don't really have much to say!!! it is quite difficult getting into the habit of sharing my thoughts and feelings, well not sharing that's the problem I guess its expressing them that I find difficult.
I hate being F**. So if I hate it WHY didn't I do anything about it sooner? if you don't like something then change it! surly it's as simple as that, and if it is whats wrong with me, Why can't I change it why am I sooo useless and stupid a total waste of space (let's be honest,it's alot of space), why can't I sort it out and change the one thing in my life that I feel holds me back and is such a handicap to me, the one thing that stops me taking my kids to the pool, the one thing that stops me going on the rides at the fair, the one thing that makes me apprehensive when going through a turnstile in case I get stuck there and die of embarrassment..or die of starvation while they 'unstuck' me.. the one thing that people stare at, the one thing that only I can control, What's that all about? I am in control HUH! yeah right!, In total control of hiding away and not being seen as much as possible, in total control of emotional over eating.
Well the problem is not losing the weight as I have said before I have lost the same damn stone several times, The problem is keeping it off and that's why I am at this stage in my life, I mean getting the banding. It is not going to be easy, I am not under any illusions I know it's something I will have to work on for the rest of my life. It's so not fair, Poor me. Poor me. Poor me. And the other few million in the same boat as me... Poor boat. Poor boat. Poor boat LOL.
I Think I will try a little self help!
Look into my eyes,,, not around the eyes,,, in the eyes....when I count to three you will see a lovely slim 'you' and will be so happy, confident and a better person.. One..... Two..... Three.... back in the room!!!!!
DOH !!!! GODDAMN IT !!!!!!!! OK the banding will have to do x
Sad Announcement
8 years ago
7 comments:
Zena,
Nice to see you found my blog and thanks for the invite to your blog. I am happy for you and your sister. I have a dear sister who's my best friend as well, and our mother died ten years ago, so I can related to you in a lot of ways. Hang in there. The waiting is so hard. You can do this!
Good luck Zena... would you be willing to share how much it's costing you approx? I've heard it's about £7K, but does that include everything except the fills? Hope you don't mind my asking - not that it would put me off doing it, but it would influence how long I would be forced to wait. Thanks! Caroline
Hi Caroline,The company is called 'why go abroad for surgery' www.whygoabroadforsurgery.com the cost is £5K and it includes everything except the fills and dietition. Go check out the site see what you think, I think it may be part of the hospital group.
Hope this helps you.
Zena..
Brilliant - thanks a lot Zena.
Caroline
hey Xena,
thanks for the nice comment u left me on my blog....u need to try and stop putting urself down chicky... u r a beautiful person from what i can see, and i know its hard when u feel like u don't fit in and that u r missing life, and just watching it instead of living! But u don't have long to go til u get ur band buddy....so excited for u and looking forward to reading ur blogs, especially after u get banded! Don't dream of what u want to be, be what u have always dreamed!!! keep that in mind...keep smiling :)
Hi Zena..found you via Melanie. I have just finished reading your blog from the very beginning and I wish you and your sister all the luck! The time will come around quickly. I have just been banded...not even a week yet!! I have no regrets...nil, zilch...none!! I can already see the light at the end of my tunnel. I am just pleased to see that you are so much younger than me and have found this path that bit earlier.....go for it!!!!
Zena, Good luck with your banding journey. I wish well. I am sure you will not regret it. I know i don't. I love my band and loosing weight:O)
Take care Tina
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